Early on as a freshman, literally month one in, I was invited to participate in a leadership conference through the residence hall council--GLACURH. It was their great lakes region conference to be held in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. Of the group, I knew no one except for Carrie. The group itself had already established its 'group-hood' so I felt generally as an outsider. Something I knew too well.
On the bus ride to Oshkosh, what should have been fun, was filled with anxiety. I didn't know it, but we were on our own for dinner for that first night. I had no money and felt embarrassed to ask for anything, not even from the adult advisor on the trip. No kid or teen for that matter, should ever feel ashamed to ask for help, even for just a meal. While everyone else went out for dinner, I headed up to my room and cried as I had nothing for lunch and now dinner. I shouldn't have come.
There was some scurrying in the hallway, laughter and chatter. I overheard several talking about activities being held on the first floor, including pizza. Free pizza! Quickly wiping the tears away, I quietly headed downstairs to find a meal. With tunnel-vision, targeting the sweet smell of pepperoni, I dismissed the games and festivities that were well underway, including the clap, clap, tap, tap, tap. I also dismissed an invitation that same young freshman, Do you want to join us?
After settling my hunger, I walked passed several board game tables, and heard once again, Do you want to join us? I shook my head and moved on to explore. Yet I found myself listening to the game from the other room... clap, clap, tap, tap, tap.... the cups hitting the floor as each person passed it on to the next. After playing a board game with a few college students, I found myself bored of board games and wandered once again, finding myself closer this time.
The same freshman asked again, Do you want to join us? I finally responded with my last excuse, I don't know how to play. Despite my bitter attitude and three dismissals, he made room and gestured that I sit down. Don't worry, I'll teach you. Hesitating, I sat down and learned how to play. Clap, clap, tap, tap, tap, clap, move it over to the right...clap...it was the cup game. There had to have been 15-20 students playing and the leader of the group was showing me how to play. I at first thought he must have been an advisor or something. He was far too welcoming and frankly far more mature than others there... he was showing me how to have fun, despite whatever was on my mind.
It was time to head to bed as the conference started in the morning. A lot had lifted from my shoulders that night and I was ready to start the next day. There were a lot of students at the conference. I never expected to run into him again, but somehow here and there we crossed paths, and in one session about goals, he sat somewhere behind me. In this session, we papered mason jars with tissue paper and wrote short & long term goals on colored paper and folded them, placing them into the jar. Many of my goals at the time were academic in nature.
The evening party where awards were handed out and dinner, I found myself searching for him. I searched my memory for his name and his face as I screened the crowd of students. I ended up finding him or perhaps he found me, I can't quite remember, but what I do remember is the evening after the dinner. We met up at the exchange, a place where students could exchange/trade college shirts/caps/pins/you name it. I landed a coveted cow bell from one group (I can't even remember where they were from, but I still have it). We met up, played the cup game, and then after, went up to his room.
Some might say, why the heck would you go to his room?! But, it was the only place we could go just to talk. Literally for hours, we talked about various things from the conference to world issues to home. I found out that although he went to school in Chicago, his home was Minnesota. Not too far from my home, though we never ventured into the Twin Cities unless on school trips. It was absolutely god-awful early now. We talked about possibly catching up after the conference. On a piece of paper from the goal session, from his goal jar, he wrote his email address down. On another piece, I wrote mine.
On the way back to college, I thought about the conversations and the game. How what I thought was going to be a horrible experience was far much better. That night, when I logged into the lobby computer (as I didn't have one), I found an email from him... Hope you made it home okay. Never had I felt such care and concern from someone else that I didn't know...only in a matter of a few days.
In 2006 we were engaged and in 2007 married. We have three kids and expecting our fourth. We've had our bumps in the road, but every bump has been a worthwhile learning experience. Even those few broken shovels as he helps me achieve my gardening dreams. It might not be easy to get away from screaming kids, mounting bills, or even the sometimes hormonal-grouchy pregnant wife, but you make it work, we make it work.
He still plays games and can be youthful as he back then, but he has always shown the same level of compassion, not only for myself but for those around him. I couldn't ask for a better role model for our children.
Over the years, I made him a priority as he made me a priority in those first few days. And he still is to this day. After 7 years of marriage, I can't think of anyone better to spend my years with.
Happy Anniversary Alex.
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