Lost relationships take time to mend and I don't expect overnight fixes for 28 years. Well built bridges take time and care. This is a story about what can be lost and what can be found. It's a perfect story, and true it is, given that November is a time of thanksgiving. I hope it gives new life to those searching or those in need of mending and forgiveness. I hope it renews the brokenhearted and inspires the forsaken.
Searching for the Past
About ten years ago I sent letters to Kay Barry's living in Minnesota. Each letter told a story of forgiveness and a desire to connect with a lost family. It spoke of Minnie and Mickey Mouse, the only ties I had left from the past. One letter was returned, but it was from a different family. She said in response, I am not she, but we pray that you find them some day. What I didn't know at the time was that her real name was Kathleen.
Moving into the Future
Tara and I went to Kay's funeral. For the first time, I met relatives I never knew I had. Nervous and anxious and excitement---emotions running, not knowing if there would be open arms or just lots of questions. I was delighted that on such a sad day that there would be as much joy and love. I can't tell you how many people I met, but I met them all. I can't remember their names that well, but I'll get there. Some remembered me as a baby, sitting in a playpen. Others remembered stories from Kay and how much she loved me. I could be angry for not having the opportunity to have a relationship with her or my grandfather, but there's nothing I can do about the past. I could remain bitter and cold or move forward into the future. I found that I am much like her. We both like to stay active, both in church and in life. She likes to travel and that's one thing I like a lot about my job.
On Monday, the day before my birthday, I received a friend request. It wasn't an ordinary friend request, but one that was missing for 28 years. Accepting this request reminded me of 10th Avenue North's Losing. "This is love. This is hate. We all have a choice to make." While I understand that some still have broken hearts and burdened memories and don't understand why I accepted this request, what they don't understand is that I too have had unresolve for the past 28 years.
I didn't know what he looked like, what he did, or even if he thought of me often. Over 28 years, I built assumptions based on stories as to why he was not in my life. Yet, we are shown that this is love and this is hate, and we all have a choice to make. We can choose to live bitterly or to love openly.
I chose love. Past is past and who am I to judge? God chose to forgive us on Earth for all our sins through the death of his only Son. I have nothing to lose because over 28 years I had no man to call father, but the Father himself. If God loves unconditionally, cannot I do the same? This is love. I accepted the friend request.
Social media and the internet can be very helpful in building lost relationships. Messenger for example, allows both of us the ability to step away or take time to think about what to say where talking via phone or meeting in person for the first time can leave awkward silences. It gives the opportunity to build a foundation and simple conversations can be the most valuable. I had the opportunity to see his photograph which can give so much closure to the wanderings of what he looked like. I now know what he does for a living and a little about himself. We chat here and there about simple things. As I said, well built bridges take time and care. I'm just blessed to have this opportunity, even to talk about the simple things.
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